Essentials of Teenage Sexuality
When, Where, Why, How?
The answer to
"who"-- is every teen (adolescent). You are not alone in having to
deal with your sexuality. Every teen is now facing the confusion
and tension of somehow managing his or her sexual drive. Yes,
every teen is on edge about this big question in their lives!
Even religion does not exempt any
teen from having to deal with your sexuality. Every teen who is
Hindu, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, humanist, agnostic,
atheist or other religious belief (or "none") still is faced with
the personal side of your own sexual drive.
Adolescents around the world are
facing the growing and changing sexuality within themselves.
Because you're a teen yourself, you naturally are participating in
this exciting and difficult experience.
Every teen has a number of "what's" as part of his or her
sexuality. Some of you are afraid to do anything--even to admit to
your feelings. Some of you are "out of control" and don't know how
to manage your feelings or actions. Neither extreme gives you a
decent chance to make the best of your sexuality.
Some of you are
into unprotected sex--which is actually dangerous-even stupid.
While some other teens are trying to pretend that they have no
interest, or even curiosity, in their sexuality. This is not too
bright either because your sexuality is an important part of you
as a person.
You don't really have much to say about the "when" of your
sexuality. Maturing sexuality will develop naturally at different
times for different people. Don't be afraid that you're behind
You don't really have much to say
about the "when" of your sexuality. Maturing sexuality will
develop naturally at different times for different people. Don't
be afraid that you're behind somehow!
Your own sexuality will start
becoming more and more noticeable to you when you body decides for
you that it will. You might as well just accept your body's
timing, because anything else is fake. Just because your friends
say that they're so interested in sexuality doesn't mean that you
The answer is that anywhere you are is where your sexuality will
be part of you. Your feelings are just as real at school, home or
even the beach.
It may seem that your sexual
emotions are different at different places. But, they've always
been in you from one location to another. What counts is how you
manage you feelings at particular places.
Just because you're in a location
away from home doesn't mean that someone can make you do something
sexual that you don't want to. Just as you're in charge at home,
you still equally have the right to decide on a date about your
own sexuality. Because you're at someone else's house doesn't give
them the right to tell you what to do.
The "why" of
sexuality is one of the great mysteries of life. Of course, the
scientists say that it's all a matter of physiological chemical
changes that produce human sexuality changes. However, for most
teens, their sexuality is more to them than just "science."
Whatever the reason for your
sexuality, it's real and you are like millions of other teens who
are facing the powerful feelings you have.
Another "why" is why try to
manage your sexuality anyway? Why not just do "whatever" in
response to your sexual feelings and see what happens? The answer
is that a "whatever" approach will frequently surprise you in ways
that you did not want. So, it's best to manage your actions in
response to your sexuality if you don't want to be surprised or
If any of us knew exactly how to best manage our sexuality we'd be
a millionaire--because no one else does either! Still, it's so
important to us that we must try our best.
In fact, trying
to do our best with this explosive area of our lives may well be
the answer to "how." Teens facing adolescent sexuality pressures
and surprises have many good sources of help. The important
decision then is to go out and do your best to get and use the
help that's available to you.
Decide in advance what type of
actions are right for you. Consider and understand the importance
of your lifetime of sexuality and make a promise to yourself to
stay within the boundaries you have set. Ask for help from others.
They can be your parents, a trusted friend, or even a group that
you trust to be part of your effort to manage your sexuality. Some
teens have taken part in a public pledge to wait until marriage
for sexual activity. Others have shared their personal plans with
others who feel like they do to help them avoid the natural
temptations of sexuality.